Living with Fear and Vulnerability

So much of the Michael Teachings are focused around negative poles, which are fear-based. Or, perhaps, I should say, we are constantly evaluating how to move out of fear into at least “neutral,” if not a feeling of being safe of the positive poles. Fear is not bad, per se, but it is smothering. The need to protect settles over one like a large blanket, a “security blanket.” One of our Primary Needs is Security. Our Chief Negative Features, Obstacles, or CFs are all about fear. And, it’s not that fear is not justified in some cases, it’s just that it becomes a habituated kneejerk reaction to very small or minor events, too. Fears are also imprinted on us by others — Mom and Dad’s fears are transferred to us, even if we never have direct knowledge of  them as genuine experiences.  Community and global fears are added similarly.  There are even medical terminologies that apply to fear: paranoia and obsessive compulsive disorder.

I know many of my own everyday types of fears, the things I live with and attempt to alleviate in some way or other. My Primary and Secondary CF is Arrogance, a fear of “being too much.” It’s based on vulnerability and intimacy issues. Add in Discrimination as a Goal, and the negative pole of Rejection comes into play rapidly. It’s far easier for me to react and reject than it is to take the next step of thoughtful consideration — evaluation. Put me in a new social situation and shyness takes over. Have something go awry and embarrass me, and I’m “outta there!” Add to that a fear of heights or a fear of snakes, neither of which I’ve got a whole lot of control over. This group of known fears of Geraldine have rather little usefulness and have eased up as I’ve dealt with them over a lifetime; however, they are still here.

Then, we could add fears that have been learned about others. The way people look, the way people act, etc. Who knows where imprinting and indoctrination left off and personal experience kicked in? Violence would be one. Perceiving angry violent people in near proximity causes full adrenalin reactions: increased heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating hands, etc. I’ve gotten to the point that I can’t watch most types of violent entertainment — it’s not fun for me. Fear of violence was a major factor in ending a 30-year marriage. Earlier violent episodes had created a trigger mechanism that kicked in with full fear reactions over known preliminary behaviors. Years could go by and the fear was back in a heartbeat.

Major violent news events trigger most of us. There have been the pivotal events of the past 60 years, such as the John F. Kennedy. Robert F. Kennedy, and Martin Luther King assassinations, and far more recently, what we call 9/11. For those who live in certain areas, there have been major tornadoes,  hurricanes, earthquakes, and even exploding volcanoes. Between humans and the earth itself, there are dangerous events that happen regularly that become part of our fear “package.” Add in wars of all types, and much of the planet lives in a state of fear just from that alone. For those who have been deeply affected by economic events since 2008, that’s been added to many others fear package.

I’ve been reading various conspiracy theory websites for a while now, and I can see consistent patterns of people who have literally just given up on feeling safe. Does it really matter if it’s “God” punishing us, crazy people, crazy weather, the Illuminati, the Reptilians, terrorists, or whatever that is blasting our sense of safety apart? No matter what we attribute it to, it’s beyond our own personal ability to control or avert.

During the past week, the news has unveiled a series of “events,” that have triggered the fears of many ordinary people: 1) The IRS focusing on certain political groups; 2) The revelation of all telephone records being collected by the U.S. government; 3) The revelation of the PRISM project that is collecting all internet activities; and, 4) The building of the huge Data Center in Utah to collect items 2-4. Everything but the IRS was classified as “Top Secret.” This has triggered the Orwellian  literary references to Big Brother and 1984. Since many of us have memories of the NAZI regime in Germany, Stalin’s Soviet Union, Mao’s People’s Republic of China, and an awareness of many other repressive governments,  this particular fear has some basis in reality. We’ve been watching repressive governments throughout the Islamic world from North Africa through the Middle East to Central Asia going through political turmoil and wars as people have been revolting against existing governments.

But, and here is the irony of these revelations: Do we feel safer due to the government “taking action” to work to prevent terrorist events, such as 9/11, or cyber warfare designed to take out infrastructure, OR do we fear 1984 concepts more? Each of us will be grappling with kneejerk reactions to both ideas over the coming weeks and months. And, they are mutually exclusive. Based on my reading of the political climate, I think the public will go along with the intensive invasion of privacy easier than they will over possible terrorist attacks.

For one thing, most of us won’t actually be affected by the invasion of privacy. It’s an idea more than a reality. When push comes to shove, and we know we’re not breaking any laws, we will choose “safety” over privacy. However, I do see the fear ratcheting up several notches, too. The Conspiracy Theorists will have found their “smoking gun,” and will hardly be allayed. Fear and vulnerability is part of our worldview. It’s not going to be going away.

We do live in interesting times.

3 comments to Living with Fear and Vulnerability

  • Maxim

    Hi Geraldine. Glad you are letting out some vulnerability and letting in some intimacy.

  • Violet

    I relate very much to living with fear and vulnerability. I also have double arrogance. I relate a lot.

    As you pointed out recently I have symptoms of “bipolar”. Sometimes I’m UP and sometimes I’m down. Throw into the mix I’m a transsexual and have a period ONCE A WEEK. I have a lot of up and down.

    Last night I was super amazing up and felt awesome for 3 hours! Before that I was down for 4! Today I was depressed.

    I observe my mental-emotional states and see that frequently they are UNRELATED to my thoughts. My thoughts aren’t neccesarily creating my feelings, instead, there seems to be chemical imbalances or something. I’m not sure.

    On account of double arrogance I am terrified of how vulnerable my UPS and DOWNS make me.

    Today while down I consciously surrendered to my sadness, my heavyness, my tiredness. It didn’t go away but I was filled with awe. the world became vivid.

    Then I took a nap.

    I find that my selfcondemnation for being sad is way more draining then merely being sad or down. When I surrender it becomes a beautiful experience.

    My 2 cents

    from MT library:
    “[Ann] Would michael say that surrender comes with more of a feeling of joy than resignation or at least pleasure?

    [Michael Entity] Often Surrender is ecstasy. The feeling of being consumed by a force greater than oneself, but also falling into alignment with that force, is a practice is surrender to Essence, Entity, Cadre, Energy Ring, and on through to Tao. Returning to the experience of being caught in the rain: one can complain and resign bitterly to the wet or surrender and turn the face toward the reality of the cool wash that is rain. Surrender is TRUST. It is the retrieval of experiences from the past that remind you that you will survive that experience. To turn to something more intense: if one were to find that one has a terminal illness, one can also surrender. This is different from “giving up,” or resigning. Often those who surrender to a terminal illness are the ones who survive that illness, because the alignment with that greater force then allows more empowering decisions and shifts within the body and mind that could not have happened from the struggling resistance or resignation. So, yes, it is often a pleasure to surrender.”

    Michaels 2 cents

  • Thank you, Violet. I’ve been in a downer for a few days now. Not severe, but still one that has me in an isolated mood, one of introspection. I’m not fighting it nor am I scab-picking to make it worse. It is what it is. I feel that it’s a time of re-creation. Some new butterfly will emerge.


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