Validating Choice and Positive Poles

During the past two weeks, I’ve been going through a triple-whammy experience. Oddly enough, it jibed right with the WS2012 Chapter 1 issue on FEAR, as well as much of the information that came through today’s OMW “How to Use Your Energy.”  In many ways, it was like a perfect storm of crap hitting my life, through my own fault or choice, and an active object lesson about fear vs anger, Support Networks, and how one CAN apply Michael concepts to others when they don’t even know about Michael.  Those who helped me the most probably prayed on my behalf, besides the bona fide support they gave me as advocates.

On Friday afternoon,  October 4th, my doorbell rang. It was the Property Manager with bad news. A few days previously, she had given me a verbal warning about my failing to stop smoking in my apartment (the properties went smoke-free in August 2011). Even though she was new to her job, she uncovered paperwork dated April 4, 2012 that was a previous Cease and Desist and Eviction notice that would activate if I were to break the rules again during the next six months. According to their reckoning, it was EXACTLY six months to the day, and therefore I would have to leave.

I begged and pleaded with her that she didn’t HAVE to do this — give me another chance. No go. I refused to sign the notice. This is where Sage Old Souls run SMACK DAB up against Baby Souls RULES and REGULATIONS.  I’m not sure any of us should be renting property as at some point push will come to shove and it always means that you’ll lose your rights.

Anyway, I was in full panic mode. I immediately started considering options. What could I do to forestall this action? Who was a possible resource? Who would help me move if it came to that? Naturally, this time of the year is one of the busiest for my best friend. And, we’re closing in on winter fast. Over the weekend I checked out the few ads or resources and nothing was available that would work, and on top of it, all of the other complexes had gone no-smoking, too.  I decided that I really would have to quit smoking this time — that there was NO WAY I could ever abide by the concept of “Just Step Outside . . . you have a covered patio.”  Yeah, like today is sunny, 34 degrees, and the wind is blowing 21 mph with 33 mph gusts. And, overnight, it’s dropping to 15 degrees.

I had a session with Michael on Tuesday, and asked for some perspective from the great beyond:

[GeraldineB] Today, I’d like to start with something personal. I’m being evicted from my apt. I think it might be possible to work out a new agreement with the Building Management and/or the Board of Directors. Do you see any possibilities or paths I might pursue? Are there any agreements in place to mitigate this disastrous pending event?

[MEntity] Though we cannot, and will not, predict, we can say that there must be a very low probability for a move. This does not mean it would not happen, but that the probability is low. Negotiation and Communication would be key here, as well as consideration for third-party support/intervention.
[MEntity] There are Agreements in place, as of now, for support and solutions, but those are no guarantee of any outcome, of course.

[GeraldineB] Thank you, I’ll keep going with the various plans I’ve been attempting

[MEntity] This is an instinctive event, and appears to have been in the making for some time, but this shake-up could be valuable to you, after it has passed.

[MEntity] Though we cannot secure anything for you, of course, we can say that this is a revisit to your Rights, your communication skills, your confidence, trust, adaptability, etc., and that this revisit does not have to be interpreted as upheaval or threat, but as a situation that requires acute attention and response.

[MEntity] No matter what happens, it does not have to be “disastrous,” even if profoundly inconvenient.

[MEntity] What is your sense of confidence in managing your most disastrous scenario?

[GeraldineB] Not very high at this time . . .there are few apts available in the same price range and none that are for handicapped people

[GeraldineB] I believe I have people to call on to help me move — but the real issue is suitable quarters and sufficient money to make a move
[GeraldineB] So, I definitely will pursue communication and negotiation first
[MEntity] Yes, this seems feasible to us. We do not see anything more than a necessity for commitment to a deal.

[GeraldineB] thank you

That was actually fairly hopeful. As by then, I had contacted my Doctor’s office and requested a letter and expressed a willingness to try a smoking cessation program, again.

So, I pushed on forward, talked with two of my friends from the Food Pantry, and they were willing to appear on my behalf. The appointment was made for this past Thursday a.m. It went smoothly in that none of us pulled swords or daggers, kept away from snarky comments, and kept the emotions tightly under wraps. By the end of the meeting, I felt it was at best a coin toss.  They said they’d let me know sometime next week.

There is no way to describe my whipsawing emotions. Fear was running this train. Thoughts of suicide were constant. But, I kept talking myself down off the ledge, and just kept plugging along. Yesterday, there was a planned meeting for me to sign some paperwork, AND there was good news! The Office had decided to give me another chance because I’d gone into the meeting with a PLAN — actually, several of them. But, they liked the idea that I was willing to work with my doctor and that since I’d been granted six hours of cleaning for “chore people,” we’d even beat back some of the smoke damage.

What I learned from this whole experience is that Support Networks ARE vital. I’d let myself become too much of a recluse over the years. It’s really important when trying to negotiate a deal to acknowledge one’s own personal responsibility in the issue. No blame game, no finger pointing. This had to be about ME and the Office and their Rules. It couldn’t even be about all of the nasty-faced rat people in my building. (Giggle — they were all set to move someone else into MY unit.) The ones who had complained and complained until they got smoking banned. I wasn’t the only culprit, but was the only one who was in the bullseye.

During my upheaval, I kept up a steady stream of chatter in my mind with Essence and Guides. Asking them for help. I kept telling myself that suicide was dumb at this point — afterall, there can ALWAYS be a last day when there seems to be no alternative and I was a long way from that. MOVE ON! I also figured out what really meant the most to me — I had been taking this apt for granted and had not recognized how essential it was to me from multiple perspectives. I didn’t recognize it for the blessing it is. I’ve moved so many times during my lifetime that I don’t hang onto dwellings with much passion — and I’d gotten careless, this was my SECURITY and I almost let it get burglarized.

I really learned, as I have been learning, that I need to be part of the human race. I need to not only give, but receive. I need to be independent and dependent “to some degree” — at least accept help when I need it. This is one of the lessons of growing older — one is consciously aware of need help for the most basics of services. I’m in the middle of that decline.

I really worked to stay in the NOW. Yesterday was useless — it was either non-useful memories or recriminations. The future was useless, it was causing me grief because it was UNKNOWN.  You have to let the baggage go when needing to be focused.

So, twelve days of fear. I’m ready for a beer. Blowing a NYE horn and tossing a handful of confetti ** * ****

The teachings really can help.

 

11 comments to Validating Choice and Positive Poles

  • Powerful story and teaching, G. Because I have also been learning to move beyond reaction and into conscious response and choice, I can see so clearly how you could have exacerbated the situation…if you had not been able to “talk yourself down” and more awake. And look at what fear charged up in you-suicide??? Our fear is so dramatic! Or, maybe it’s we sages who are dramatic:-) But I’m glad that this all worked out, and that you will not be evicted.

    Nick

  • Janet Elam

    Oh Geraldine. How awful this must have been for you and yet I’ve not heard a word about this until now. Did you tell anyone within the TLE community? We could have “prayed” for you as well, you know. And all the positive energy from all of us might have been helpful, even though we’re all physically far away. You did the right things to get a plan and some support, but of course now another really hard part begins. (I’ve never smoked because I suspected I would find it hard to stop.) So at least you’ve extended your support group now! Can I tell you how much we’d miss you if you just up and disappeared on us?

  • Maureen Greenaway

    Geraldine — Whoa!

    You handled that well. Talk about applying what you’re learning. It could have gone so wrong but you got it right. You now have a widened understanding of your own communication skills/abilities and a deeper appreciation for all the support you have in your life, including support from and to your “self”.

    You said: “You have to let the baggage go when needing to be focused.” I think you let a shitload go. It sounds like you do want to quit smoking (because you have tried in the past) so you turned it into a strong “win” for yourself — as well as keeping a roof over your head, of course!

    I love the “poetry” of your story including this line: “So, twelve days of fear. I’m ready for a beer.” If I lived closer I’d deliver you a case myself and join you in celebration. :)

    Interestingly, Homelessness is one of my 3 Fears.

    Cheers, Maureen

  • Thank you, all :) Troy and Bobby were aware as they were at the Michael session, and they honored my request to keep it non-public. One other thing I was really aware of is that the more you talk about something, the more you spin your wheels, build up anger and resentment, etc. I needed to stay as calm as possible. I didn’t want to give daily “updates,” as waiting on these things is the hardest thing to do. My friendly neighbor, Barbara, was in on the know, but she was so frustrated with my silence :) I just wouldn’t talk about it more than a few minutes and then onto something non-mindbending. I didn’t want to “hear” a lot of helpful advice that probably wouldn’t have met my needs. I had this under control in the sense of a battle plan, and didn’t need to take the next steps I had already investigated, i.e., an attorney and/or ombudsman. Pushing people into corners makes them twice as resistant. I wanted the Compliance Mgr and Housing Mgr to be as open to considering changing their minds as much as was humanly possible.

    I know me. I don’t climb off my high horse until something has been resolved. I can’t be soothed by kind thoughts. You have NO idea how tough it was for me to bend this much.

  • DianeHB

    Oh lord!! I’m glad to hear it all turned out ok, and for all the learning you got out of it, even though it was hair-raising. You deserve a beer, for sure!

  • Bobby

    Your story is really quite fascinating to me because you are the 2nd friend within the same exact time frame that was involved with “moving” because of a cigarette issue. The other friend had to move because of someone else’s smoke so she was experiencing the opposite end of the spectrum of things. To have these exact opposite experiences going on at the same time to 2 people that I’m close to is very strange.

    I would dare say though that you came through your experience many times ahead of the other friend that went through this. You remained positive, solution oriented, abstained from delving into the blame game and took personal responsibility which I greatly admire. Because of that, I would have bent over backward in being willing to help you move if it had been necessary and II had been able to. Whereas the other friend, I declined to help her move because of the weird-ass drama that she got herself into from really poor choices from my perspective. She still has a long way to go I think in learning the consequences of choices.

    I have to admit, Geraldine, I was very worried about you. You would have been greatly missed if things had turned out differently. If you give any credit to my predictive abilities, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon… thankfully :-)

  • Nadine

    Geraldine, I am very happy to hear things worked out for you! Just like in Maureen’s case, homelessness is one of the things I most fear in life, it really triggers some instinctive center issues, and I can imagine how desperate you must have felt. I’m currently trying to quit smoking, too – we’ll make it! :)

  • One of the things I also learned fairly near the end was that maybe moving wouldn’t be the absolute worst thing. My Advocate friends had reassured me that I wasn’t going to have to go through it alone, and if finances were a hitch, they’d make sure it happened. So, I started thinking about the differences between an efficiency apartment vs a one-bedroom apartment, the latter was preferable. The Director of the Food Bank was willing to pull in as wide a circle of support as was needed. This was already working wonders on how I felt.

    But, yes, Maureen and Nadine, I didn’t KNOW one of my major fears was homelessness until it smacked me upside the head.

  • Claire Christensen

    Geraldine,

    What more can I add to the above, except to say that the outcome proves how you’ve grown!

    Homelessness is my BIGGEST Fear, too, but I know you would have been able to find another place with the help of your local friends. However, this is way better for you and much less disruptive.

    Now, the really hard part, quitting smoking. I empathize with you, having been there when my mother decided to quit at 72 after a lifetime of smoking. It took her a very long time, but she did it. I know you will too.

    We’ll all be cheering you on! :-)

  • [...] the past year to about 1/2 a pack. Not a done deal . . .but I see light at the end of the tunnel. Here‘s the link to the discussion I wrote in VM with regards to [...]

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