Fear versus Ego, Part 2

This is the game. We all start with a set of game pieces–a bag of assets and liabilities. It’s what we do with them that determines not only which aspect is an asset or liability, but how much enjoyment we’re going to get out of the game. Anyone who has played one of the complex video games is well aware that every object or skill can be both an asset and a handicap — it’s how it’s used and when it’s used that determines its ultimate value.

When all else fails, imagine someone with an insurmountable handicap, such as Stephen Hawking, and ask yourself — would he have developed his extraordinary intellect and imagination if he had been born into a normal body and had been allowed all of the distractions of a normal life?  Who would Stephen Hawking be if he were normal? Similarly, imagine your own possibilities if you were to minimize the distractions.

The point is that the more we buy into our Ego, the more we reinforce the fears that support it. Jose Stevens in his “Transforming Your Dragons,” is the only Michael teacher who clearly shows the differences between how our CFs are displayed at various Soul Ages, and by default the various Internal Monads. Part of this is due to the basic growth and development that occurs for each Personality and a stronger connection to Essence through time.  We become less ego-driven through time. But, less is still highly relative. As I said, even TSs have to grapple with CFs.

I don’t feel that any of the Michael authors have successfully conveyed why we have fears that drive the Personality’s negative poles nor the type of work we need to do to combat them.

When I took Troy Tolley’s “Manifesting Essence Workshop” recently, Michael made it very clear what we needed to be working on in order to “manifest Essence.”  Manifesting Essence is the goal for achieving positive poles in one’s Role, Overleaves, and to process the 4th Internal Monad. The more we’re in touch with Essence, the less ego-driven we are.

[~MEntity] There are many ways we can delineate the degrees to which one can manifest Essence, but the shortcut to understanding the degree to which you are manifesting essence is to evaluate the degree to which you LIKE YOURSELF. This may seem highly simplistic, but the truth is rarely complicated. The degree to which you like yourself is proportional to how much you live as your soul.

[~MEntity] From 0% that looks like self-loathing, to %20 that looks like self-criticism, to 40% that looks like self-interest, to 60% that looks like self-expression, to 80% that looks like self-healing, to %100 that looks like selflessness.

[~MEntity] We will clarify “Self-interest” as that state in which one “knows better” and seeks to correct, transform, or accept the choices made in life.

[~MEntity] “Self-expression” is that state in which one is comfortable in one’s own skin and does not feel shame in his or her presence to any meaningful degree.

[~MEntity] “Self-healing” is that state in which mistakes, failures, disappointments, anger, frustrations, are experienced as PART of life, and one is not consumed by any one of these things, therefore living in a state of self-protection is unnecessary, and every act, choice, experience is a healing.

[~MEntity] “Selflessness” is that state in which one loses all sense of self-defense and unnecessary fear, which frees all awareness to be inclusive of all bodies, rather than protective of one or more (such as the physical, emotional, or intellectual bodies).

Michael gave us our standard operating percentages and the spikes of when we made more specific contact. Mine had undergone a huge change about five years ago. This is also when I finally transitioned from the negative pole of my 4th IM and successfully entered into my 5th IM (at a very delayed ripe old age of 62).  I was stalled at 15% for most of my life. It also coincides to when I discovered Michael and started doing some severe remedial work on myself.

To not put too fine a point on it, it coincides to when I had a heart attack, was diagnosed with the handful of the standard conditions of an overweight woman of our time, and I made a conscious decision to move past years of self-doubt, self-loathing, depression, etc. I decided that if I were going to live, I was damn well going to figure out how to do it so that I would enjoy it.

I jumped in with both feet to expanding my knowledge of dietary issues, spiritual issues, and discovered Michael. So, I can validate that the timing was right on the button for when I underwent a huge personal change. I finally let go of the baggage that I’d been dragging around since early childhood, particularly all of the messages that I lacked value that I’d received from my birth parents.

It was balm to my very being to hear Michael say, “You are perfect just the way you are” in book after book. I don’t know why I was able to hear it so clearly, but I finally understood what my purpose was in relationship to Essence. I shelved all the years of other religious and spiritual quests that emphasized how much one had to work on becoming perfect in order to be of value.  Michael laid it all out how Essence doesn’t give a damn how well you do anything, which choice(s) you’ve made, how screwball you have been, etc. In fact, the more experiences you go through, the happier Essence is. I grasped fully “All is choice. There are no right or wrong choices.” All are part of the total ME of right now, and all are part of the total Essence right now.

I figured out that I’d done a heck of a job doing the experience thing. No slacker here. And, if it means that some other personality from Essence doesn’t need to re-do some of those same experiences, way cool. I wish all of my concurrents well in their own quests. We’ve gotta “do lunch” some day.

Could I have done my life differently if I’d known more sooner? I don’t know. Hindsight second-guessing is rather futile. Would making different decisions at critical choice points have mattered? No. Some might have been more enjoyable to my ego, but none would have mattered more in the long run.

I took the game package I was given, parlayed it into an interesting life, and have no regrets.

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